Monday, June 27, 2011

The things I like, the things I gripe

drink up, you're in Italy. 

It's been five weeks that I've been living in Italy now- substantial enough a period to have established some opinions about my new home. It's time to pass some unabashed judgement.

1. Um, hi. I live in Italy. I get to say "ciao bella", like, fifty times a day without people thinking I'm scummy.
2. The museum-like quality of everything from grocery store facades to the women with their dresses, and their shoes, and silky hair, and flawlessly tanned skin, and accidentally perfect physiques. 
3. Public transportation. Whether bus, subway, tram, or walking, everything is quickly, easily, and cheaply accessible.
4.14 euro for a brazilian bikini wax.
5. Social standard for being diagnosed an alcoholic is much higher. Out with the misfitry.
6. Summer aperitivos. Buy one drink and get free food all night.
7.The bidet, period.
8.That everything, unequivocally closes in August because Italians are so rigid about their vacations.
9. Tall ceilings and COOKIES for breakfast are standard.
10. Huge dinners with friends are not reserved for special occasions, they're a matter of convention.

1. Ciao, I'm in Italy. And if you want to join me for the long term, just know that it takes molto bureaucracy and molti headaches to do what I'm doing. AND, things here get done at everyone's convenience except yours. Better go have yourself another drink, because that's what everyone else is doing. 
2. The museum-like quality of everything including the women and their dresses and their flawless everything makes a girl feel like an unworthy, rotten potato.
3. Should you happen to step foot into a vehicle, prepare to be made very afraid.
4. 68 euro for a mani/pedi and 4.25 for a box of quinoa. Thats $96 & $6, respectively.
5. It's decidedly poor form to order a cappuccino (which I ADORE) after lunch. Back in with the misfitry. 
6. Summer aperitivos: one drink, ten euro. That's $14.20
7. Single-ply toilet paper and occasional hole-in-the-ground makes checking your hydration level a nearly impossible task. 
8. That everything, unequivocally closes in August because Italians are so rigid about their vacations.
9. Tiny kitchens, mosquitos, screenless windows, and zero oatmeal on supermarket shelves are standard.
10. I'm at the dinner table, but where the fuck are all my friends?

tall ceilings, screenless windows.  machete.
The amazing and wonderful bidet, my only friend in 5 weeks.


InkSpot said...

I heart bidets :))

Kirsten said...

Instead of a machete, I'll send you a fly swatter to deal with the mosquitoes. Less likely to result in user injury.

Liv said...

BUT, when you use a machete, the zanzare know you mean business.