Thursday, November 21, 2013


The leaves and my serotonin levels are falling.

Do you know what this is? 

It's my macbook air failing to reconcile whatever mental issues led to its premature death this autumn.


I lost every photo, every file, countless hours at the apple store, (and even more lamenting the whole damn thing). Furthermore, I attest I did not bring my worthless lump of aluminum to the shop to have the stupid ass "geniuses" (I mean really, c'mon) look at me scornfully when I said I didn't have it backed up. 

"NO I don't have it backed up?" WHY? Because I thought that when I shelled out $1500.00 one year and five weeks ago for the alleged "Rolls Royce" of computers, I could have relied on it. And besides, the one time I actually did back it up, the external hard drive had already malfunctioned before I realized I even needed it. Next time remind me to buy a Toshiba or a Samsung, and to spend the rest of my allowance on my subscription to Carbonite, assholes. And by the way, the new iTunes layout is totally not user friendly.

One night prior, I had been lying in bed, snuggling with my incredible heat-producing laptop machine while poking around on various social media sites (like a true glutton for free-time). Then I got sleepy, shut my computer, and went to bed.

The morning after, I was faced with an image that appeared to be deriding me: a completely gray screen with a question mark. I don't mean a figurative question mark, I mean, like, a LITERAL question mark. Punto domanda. This was not a joke. 

I'd been in the apple store for two hours waiting for the geniuses to confirm that my computer was in fact not worth more than the metal it was made of, when my iPhone went into "10% battery" mode. I proceeded to charge it at one of the many ports within the store, when an asswipe of an employee came to me and in a surly Italian dialect asked me if I had "come to the apple store for the purpose of charging my phone". This is when I erupted into malevolent rage and went all kinds of rogue on him, asserting that I should be reimbursed for my overpriced and over-celebrated MadeInChina POS, and that furthermore he was maleducato, ignorante, sgarbato, scortese, vile, etc. Some patrons looked on as I were batshit crazy while others seemed to be giving me a telepathic "you go girl" and a virtual high-five. (But this is neither here nor there.)

After finally managing to get my "fixed" computer back, (you will not believe this) two days later it did EXACTLY the same thing. 

I'm interrupting my own story here because frankly, it's boring me, and besides, the autunno hasn't been all rubbish. Lets focus on the good stuff.

First, I received a lovely bicycle accessory (MUSTACHE!) from Arianna- a cute and perky classmate of mine who always smells delightfully of laundry detergent. Considering I refuse to indulge in a month of anarchical facial hair growth for the sake of prostate cancer awareness,  I find my cyclette 'stache to be a perfect tribute to Movember. (Although it is absolutely disgusting after a good rain.)

Then my beautiful-young-blonde-cousin-doctor-friend came to visit for a week. While I was in school, she would whip up banoffee pies and stuff. Every guest should be so intelligent and so eager to please.

Then Giulio and I hopped over to California for a hot minute. Good n' cathartic:

...we even visited a vineyard to watch our friends get hitched in style!

But within a jiffy, we were turned around with a brief sojourn in London just before disembarking the plane in Milan and deliriously rolling in to the Queens of the Stonehenge concert (or whatever they're called). 

Here we are looking stupid and jaundiced and far too old for rock concerts:

Last week I reconnected with some girlfriends over dinner. Our time together is always fulfilling and robust:

Also, Giulio knew I'd been home avidly studying and stressing a lot lately, so he affectionately suggested I go out with my girlfriends for a glass of wine:

While out, Yar and I nuzzled ourselves into a cozy corner of the (empty) bar (on a rainy Monday night) and took so many selfies that the cameriere eventually asked us if we were lovers. Then he offered us free shots of rum! Yarden accepted, while I opted for a rubbish Lipton tea the way a good ol' bitch does. (And yes PETA, I'm wearing REAL fur.) 

I suppose other than these painfully boring anecdotes, there's not much news to report. I'm on a diet which basically means that on the way to Brescia this weekend (1 hour away from Milan) I had to force Giulio to pull over at the Autogrill to buy me a fried chicken sandwich and a chocolate bar because I was afraid I was becoming hypoglycemic. We went there (Brescia) to purchase a 1970's sofa (which I affectionately refer to as "vintage", and Italians refer to as "used"). Also, today while wearing socks, I stepped into a puddle of water that had leaked from the refrigerator, which was really annoying. 

Next weekend we're off to Naples to eat a pizza and have our watches stolen. 


The Schumanator said...

I know this was not at all the point of this entry, but: That Alberto's food looks so bomb.

Liv said...

And that's an horchata in that cup!

Laine said...

I think you should attach your Apple laptop to the spokes in the wheel of your bicycle, like kids do with baseball cards, so that it will make a click-clack sound when you peddle.

la tua lazzarona said...

naples?? are you going to naples without me?!?!
come oooon!