Saturday, August 11, 2018

the cat has a fever

I am searching for someone to help me understand the incursion of women on social media posting videos of themselves lip syncing, almost invariably whilst driving a car. WHY is this happening??? lip syncing is not a talent, neither is having wheels with a leather interior. 

I have become acutely aware of this phenomenon because I started commuting to work at a distance that would require a motor vehicle. And frankly I deserve a blimmin' trophy or cash prize for having survived one week despite having to drive on the wrong side of the road, sit on the opposite side of the car, and change gears with a non dominant and wildly uncoordinated left arm.  Not only does this itself require great focus, but the amount of speed cameras littered throughout British roads requires a fixation on the odometer so grand that it could herniate my brain through the hole of my own skull. Therefore, how is it that an (unapologetically vain and often vacuous) person can operate a car (in the first place, I wonder) while 1) simultaneously listening to music 2) instagramming themselves 3) disregarding the road in favor of ensuring premium lighting in their own live video ?  It is not only dangerous but unmistakably stupid. Even more baffling is why people like to watch this stuff. 

Speaking of stalking, do you ever get the feeling that instagram is using your microphone to spy on you? My suspicion grows and I am certain this is more than just confirmation bias. Earlier this week I demanded Ian pick me up some ultra mega tampons, and within a few hours was faced with the following advertisement:


I have been something extra moody lately so have been attempting to up my exercise regime. I tried to get back into yoga, showing up at 6:30pm in my flip flops mostly keen for the best part which, if you've ever done yoga you know is Savasana. google it. But on arrival I was refused entry because I was 12 hours late and everyone had already gone home.  So i dragged my ass back to my house (feeling extra sorry for myself) to grab my shoes with the intention of going for a run, but ended up on the sofa eating 300 grams of semi-soft brie alone. When I eventually made it to class at the correct time, my experience was anyway corrupted by a repeat offender of gas emission from the anus. Not only is this yoga, this is HOT yoga. The heaters are on full blast and we have been facing a tenacious heat wave so a fart in a humid and crowded room is an antisocial and disruptive move at best.  I'm still in a bad mood. 

Going back to the topic of cheese- does anyone have a hack on how to clean the cheese grater? I invariably fail at this endeavor, ending up with a pile of grated sponge that then requires me to grate more cheese to remove the shredded sponge from those tiny holes.

As I said before, I have just started a new job rotating through the primary care setting. My experience in GP land while in medical school was on the order of a lady coming in to ask for advice about her cat who had a fever. I wish I had all the answers. In my attempt to do so I think I inadvertently found the answer to the original question. I am obsessed with watching this girl sing in the car. So can someone help me find her so we can be friends?


Allie Rose said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allie Rose said...

I haven’t even finished reading this post and am compelled to comment that lip syncing car driving instagrammers are EXACTLY why you need a helmet when you’re on your bike. BOOM! Full circle.

Gilly said...

A nail brush (for the cheese grater)

Anonymous said...

A spare tooth brush, preferably new, dedicated to kitchen chores.