Saturday, February 21, 2009
The Joys of Local News
Who says that news is always negative? I particularly enjoy local news as it makes me feel safe and snuggly in my microcosm.
Monday, February 16, 2009
elmo is stuck
(photo:www.balloonanimal.com)
'Twas 630 pm and I had just finished a most excellent yoga session. I stepped into a crowded elevator which included a young mother, her (presumably) husband, and a small child carrying a red balloon animal miraculously twisted and tied into a perfect rendition of Elmo.It's seldom an occasion when I am amused by children. I'm much better with sinister adults, but once in a while I will be completely taken by a precocious youngster.
The elevator doors shut. For a moment it was completely silent, until the two year old announced in a calm, and almost patronizingly adult tone "elmo is stuck." For a moment, she was brushed off (as childspeak often is), but as my eyes shifted their gaze to the bright-eyed red mess, behold! elmo was stuck! His arm had been savagely sucked into the elevator door, though, by the crux of his left appendage, leaving his fragile body perfectly in tact. This was a true medical miracle I was witnessing. I couldn't help but cackle unabashedly as the child valiantly struggled to set her friend free; the elevator did not relent.
POP! child screams, cries. i exit, amused.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Priorities, people!
Today while I was walking down University Avenue I saw a bum wearing a bluetooth.
Ok, so that didn't actually happen, but I was at the sporting goods store this morning and bared witness to a man with no legs asking to try on a pair of size ten shoes.
Crap. I lied, again.
Ok, what did actually happen this fortnight was me failing to escape the ubiquitous media coverage of Ms. Suleman, proud mother of now fourteen children. The woman, who has clearly undergone too many restylane injections and is evidently suffering an identity crisis mistaking herself for Angelina Jolie, receives $490/month in food stamps, plus additional federal assistance for three of her disabled in vitro babies from her first sextuplet. Suleman claimed in her interview that once she was finished with her masters program, she would be able to financially support her babies on her own. You know what else she wanted to do on her own? According to a family member, the biological father of her children (who were all conceived in vitro) is actually her boyfriend. "He was in love with her and wanted to marry her, but she wanted children on her own".
What the hell?!
In vitro fertilization costs between 12,000 and 15,000 dollars which is a lot of money, unless you were fortunate enough to receive a disability fortune after being injured in a riot at a mental health hospital.
So where do we draw the line? Where do personal freedoms infringe upon ethics? When is it right for science to trump nature? At what point should the feds quit bailing everyone out? At what age does one realize his mother is cuckoo?
Ok, so that didn't actually happen, but I was at the sporting goods store this morning and bared witness to a man with no legs asking to try on a pair of size ten shoes.
Crap. I lied, again.
Ok, what did actually happen this fortnight was me failing to escape the ubiquitous media coverage of Ms. Suleman, proud mother of now fourteen children. The woman, who has clearly undergone too many restylane injections and is evidently suffering an identity crisis mistaking herself for Angelina Jolie, receives $490/month in food stamps, plus additional federal assistance for three of her disabled in vitro babies from her first sextuplet. Suleman claimed in her interview that once she was finished with her masters program, she would be able to financially support her babies on her own. You know what else she wanted to do on her own? According to a family member, the biological father of her children (who were all conceived in vitro) is actually her boyfriend. "He was in love with her and wanted to marry her, but she wanted children on her own".
What the hell?!
In vitro fertilization costs between 12,000 and 15,000 dollars which is a lot of money, unless you were fortunate enough to receive a disability fortune after being injured in a riot at a mental health hospital.
So where do we draw the line? Where do personal freedoms infringe upon ethics? When is it right for science to trump nature? At what point should the feds quit bailing everyone out? At what age does one realize his mother is cuckoo?
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