NPPO Hates Me

Yet another reason to loathe the nppo. This afternoon I cruised there on my bicycle just to mail a 39 cent letter. To my horror, (literally) out of pocket came my twentydollabill, rendering me $20.39 more poor.

Hopefully the octomom finds it.

Dear Teacher,

Flippancy with teachers is never appropriate, however, there are a few things I would like to make clear with you.

1. I am not taking your course because my parents will let me live at home for free so long as I am enrolled in school.

2. I am not taking your course so I can someday make effective missiles because "that's the practical application of physics".

3. I am not taking your course so you can humiliate me in front of my peers when I confuse acceleration due to gravity with that which is related to the sum of the forces.

4. I am not taking your course so I can get practice neatly hand drawing remedial graphs because "someday when I gain experience in the real world someone will ask me to produce something and if it's not neat I won't get promoted".

5. I am not taking your course so you can belittle me by publicly making a point of how you are more knowledgeable than I.

6. I am not taking your course because I like that red flannel shirt you wear everyday. 

7. I am definitely not taking your course so you can patronize me about how I should consider myself a "real student" even though "I'm only at junior college".

Sincerely,

Liv

The Joys of Local News

Who says that news is always negative? I particularly enjoy local news as it makes me feel safe and snuggly in my microcosm.

elmo is stuck

(photo:www.balloonanimal.com)

'Twas 630 pm and I had just finished a most excellent yoga session. I stepped into a crowded elevator which included a young mother, her (presumably) husband, and a small child carrying a red balloon animal miraculously twisted and tied into a perfect rendition of Elmo.

It's seldom an occasion when I am amused by children. I'm much better with sinister adults, but once in a while I will be completely taken by a precocious youngster.

The elevator doors shut. For a moment it was completely silent, until the two year old announced in a calm, and almost patronizingly adult tone "elmo is stuck." For a moment, she was brushed off (as childspeak often is), but as my eyes shifted their gaze to the bright-eyed red mess, behold! elmo was stuck! His arm had been savagely sucked into the elevator door, though, by the crux of his left appendage, leaving his fragile body perfectly in tact. This was a true medical miracle I was witnessing. I couldn't help but cackle unabashedly as the child valiantly struggled to set her friend free; the elevator did not relent.

POP! child screams, cries. i exit, amused.

you, that consumes me, will at last be in my hands

finally, my love is on the way 

baby, may

                 

                     i

 

                   take 

 

                                 your picture?